Overcoming Emotions that Destroy: Practical Help for Those Angry Feelings That Ruin Relationships

Don’t think you have an anger problem? think again!

It’s a natural emotion. Everyone gets angry and it’s something we really know little about. This is a great book about anger, “Overcoming Emotions that Destroy By Chip Ingram”

In this book it talks about how anger is neither good or bad. It is an emotionally charged feeling to protect us. Side note – Depression is really an anger issue as well.

Anger can be a good thing. When you whiteness injustice you feel angry and it motivates you to help change the situation.

The Bible does not say to NOT get angry. Ephesians 4:26 it specifically says “In your anger do not sin.” What it’s saying here is that we can get angry. Anger is a natural human emotion and not a bad one in and of itself. The problem is what we do with the anger when we do feel it.

What you see from the surface can be misleading. Most of the iceberg is hidden under water. Anger is often a range of emotions HIDDEN UNDER the surface.

Now… if you think you don’t get angry… think again. Maybe it’s an Energy Vampire in your life that just leaves you feeling drained. Energy vampires are friends, family members or coworkers who literally zap your emotional energy.

3 faces of anger

  • Spewers – Have a volatile temper and tend to explode like a bomb. They are usually unable to control or explain their anger.
  • Stuffers – Believe all anger is wrong and go to great lengths to bury, minimize and avoid their anger. Some of them don’t even know how to recognize their own anger. (This is so my husband Jason)
  • Leakers – Exhibit classic “passive-aggressive” tendencies, often expressed as critical and sarcastic remarks. Leakers have the same beliefs as stuffers, except Leakers try to punish the person who made them angry. They do this by procrastinating, being flakey. These people do things to just make you mad to get back at you for what you did. It gives them an unhealthy sense of power.

-Anger is never the problem. It’s a secondary emotion. It’s easier to be angry than address the deeper issue.

-Anger artificially helps us feel in control and falsely helps us feel powerful when we feel powerless.

Three Root Issues Behind Anger:

1. HURT = Real or Perceived Unmet Needs

2. FRUSTRATION = Real or Perceived Unmet expectations.

3. INSECURITY = Real or Perceived Attacks on My Worth

Again i’m showing the iceberg because I love this image. I’m visual and it reminds me to remember that there’s always something going on deeper. Print it out if this helps to remind you to look below the surface and figure out what’s behind you or your loved ones anger.

Where there is ANGER there is always pain underneath. Eckhart Tolle

The first step in overcoming the destructive power of anger is the COURAGE to look below the surface. Being aware of this was life changing for me. Sometimes when I make bad choices and eat junk I’m mad at myself but I’ll take it out on whoever is around me because I’m annoyed at myself. Now that I recognize this it’s easier to stop myself and look at how I can change thing’s for next time. It really is all about being aware. Check out this book and make notes so you can look at them when you are feeling angry.

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